zimfandomcom-20200222-history
The Girl Who Cried Gnome (Transcript)
Moofy skips gleefully down the street holding a big box of Girly Ranger Cookies over her head. She bounces up to the front door of the house next to Zim's base. The neighbor opens it, and looks down at her. She holds out a package of cookies. Moofy (cutesy voice): Wanna buy some chocolate-covered ninja star COOKIES, MISTER? HUH? She grins winningly at him. Neighbor (hands on knees): No, thank you! Moofy starts to growl and squeal, and her eyes turn pure white as she vibrates in place menacingly. Neighbor (Terrified): What are you doing? No! Get away! Stop... Auugghh!!! Neighbor continues screaming as the camera pans upward to the sky above, where a couple of crows fly by as ripping sounds are heard over the helpless man's screaming. Pan back down to the doorstep, and we see that the man is now lying in a mangled heap, with several cookies rammed into his mouth. Neighbor: Ehhh... Ehhhhhh.... Moofy looks with satisfaction at the roll of money the man "gave" her, then spies Zim's house. The neighbor continues groaning as the camera cuts to Zim's lab, where the Irken is typing in front of a containment tube holding two rotating squirrels. Computer: Perimeter warning. Computer unfolds a screen behind Zim, showing Moofy at the entrance to Zim's front yard. Zim: Oh, what is it this time? I haven't the patience for... (notices the screen) AHH!!! GIRL WITH COOKIES! GIRL WITH COOKIEEES!!!!! Zim points his finger up in the air. Zim: COMPUTER! RELEASE THE ROBOT GOPHER! A large Irken tube-thing slams into the floor, then goes back up, revealing the robot gopher, eye-twitching and rarin' to go. A mechanical arm snakes out from a compartment next to it, grabs the robo-gopher, and shoves it into a horizontal transport tube. Cut back to Moofy in Zim's front yard. She begins skipping down the walkway, like she did with her first "customer". Moofy: Laa-laa-laa-laaa, la-la-la-la-I like to sell some COOKIES!! (spasms) Laa-laa-laa-laa, la-la-la-la-I like to sell some COOKIES!!! Suddenly, the gnome right next to her begins to rumble ominously. With a worried look on her face, Moofy walks over to it. Meanwhile, just below Moofy's feet. the gopher begins burrowing across Zim's lawn. It tunnels out of the yard, loops around the cul-de-sac, and heads right back toward its target. It tunnels directly underneath Moofy and her foot falls in. She attempts to yank it out three times, but it's stuck tight. She shrieks horribly, and the box of cookie on her head magically disappears out of existence. Cut to Zim's lab, where the diabolical Irken is watching his gopher's performance through a periscope. Zim: Excellent, gopher. JUST as I programmed you to do. NOW, COMPLETE YOUR TASK! Cut back to Moofy, who is still trying to remove her foot from the hole, when the gopher emerges before her. Dramatic music plays as the robotic gopher towers over her, and the Girly Ranger's eye twitches. Abruptly, the robo-gopher starts dancing to a merry tune, and flies up into a portal to an alternate dimension. Cut back to Zim's base. Zim: I... don't remember programming that. Back in Zim's yard, Moofy is continuing to yank and squeal, attracting the attention of a nearby woman. Woman: Good lord, that girl's stuck in some crazy hole of some sort! CALL THE MEDIA! As if on cue, a news van flies up outside Zim's house and a news reporter exits the vehicle. Soon, a crowd of a couple thousand people appear out of nowhere. Reporter: Sweet mother of corn! That girl's in trouble! Grabs random guy's lapels. Reporter: How's my makeup? Jumps to where Moofy is stuck. Reporter: Cameraas!!! Camera-bots swoop in to focus on him and Moofy. Cut back to Zim, who is watching the whole thing with horror on a monitor in his base. He gasps in horror. Zim (trying to reassure himself): OK, OK... I...I can fix this! Think, Zim.... I AM ZIM!! Zim turns around and yells in terror when he sees that the whole thing is on the news. Cut to living room, where GIR is running around in insane excitement. He runs into Zim's base. GIR: WE'RE ON TEEVEE! WE'RE ON TEEVEEEE!!!! GIR leaps in front of Zim, and presses a button on the screen's controls, making it zoom in on the reporter, whose face is being powder-puffed by an assistant. Once done, his assistant steps out of the camera frame, and the reporter gives his newscast. Reporter: A seemingly peaceful neighborhood. An innocent Girly Ranger... Moofy grins sweetly from her perch. Reporter: ...A horrible tragedy. Hundreds are gathered around this freakish home to provide emotional support. Moofy pushes her head out from between the reporter's legs and waves at the camera excitedly. The reporter looks like he's in pain. Cut to Zim's base. Zim: "Freakish home", that's good! But this has gotten out of hand. The child has brought unwanted attention! So many humans, blind as they are, might notice something about my secret base. Goes over to a keypad and starts entering commands. A large screen opens on the front of Zim's house, and he begins to type "Earth Rocks" on it. Zim: I'll have to step up the house's appearance to make it look MORE normal! Multiple additional gnomes pop out of the ground in various places. Meanwhile, an Earth ambulance dispatches two heavily-armored rescue troopers, who approach Moofy with their hands outstretched. Rescue Trooper #1: DO NOT BE ALARMED, WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU! Moofy clings to the gnome she's nearest. Moofy: GET AWAY! GET AWAY! She starts screaming again, forcing the rescue member to back away. '' '''Rescue Trooper #1': Oh, nooo! A camera-bot swoops down next to Moofy, showing her on camera. Quickly, Moofy reverts back to her cutesy persona and waves at the screen. Moofy: (cutesy voice): Mom! Dad! Look at me! I'm in a hole! Moofy giggles with nauseating sweetness as we cut back to Zim's base. Zim: Roboparents! (He turns to a screen displaying their status.) Cloud their minds with some neighborly hospitality. At the front door to the house, Robo Dad and Robo Mom appear, holding a newspaper and a toilet, respectively. Robo Mom: Does anybody want MUFFINS? (Holds out the toilet.) Meanwhile, Rescue Trooper #2 approaches Moofy with a giant pair of pliers. Rescue Trooper #2 (deep voice): HI THERE! Moofy panics and starts showering her would-be rescuer with mud, knocking him onto the ground. Rescue Trooper #2: My goodness. Rescue Trooper #1: IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT! SOMEBODY CALL THE PRESIDENT! Cut back to Zim's lair. Zim: That should do for the base. And now, GIR, time for some A-MAY-ZING DISGUISES! An elevator platform descends beneath him, and GIR follows after, with a barely suppressed laugh of glee. Cut to Zim's neighborhood, where an enormous crowd of people have flocked to the site of Moofy's "suffering". Dib comes up to the rear of the crowd, and observes the various attractions that people have set up for the event: one guy is selling "Moofy Feet", another is handing out T-shirts bearing the phrase "Free Moofy", and even a creepy-looking clown is handing out balloons. Dib approaches a nearby teen. Dib: What's going on? Teen: I dunno. (sotto voice) But don't eat the muffins! Confused, Dib backs away slowly, then continues to run towards the front of the crowd until he sees Zim's house on a portable TV airing the News. Dib: That's Zim's house!! Some Guy: Sshh! On-screen, the reporter is still prattling on about Moofy's ordeal. Reporter: Here were are at minute four of this poor girl's ordeal. Moofy, how do you feel? Moofy! The reporter pokers Moofy with his microphone. Moofy: My leg is asleep... She begins sobbing, then stops and smiles at the camera. Audience: Aww... Reporter: Just how many more minutes will she have to suffer before rescue crews can free her? Huh? Dib: Why don't they just pull her out? Man next to Dib: She's lodged in real good. I heard her foot's poking out over in China. Plus, she screams real scary whenever anybody comes near her. Dib: Look at her. She's just smiling and waving. She just loves the attention. Wait a minute... Dib has visions of himself running through the crowd towards Zim's house, dragging the Irken out and exposing him without his disguise. GIR casually lays on the ground posing, while Dib holds Zim out in front of shocked reporters. Flash back to the current time. Dib: Attention! If I can get up there, I can expose him on national TV! Cut to Zim's base. The news plays on a screen in front of GIR, who sits next to a bag of popcorn. Reporter: I've recieved word that President Man himself is on his way to the scene to take over this delicate, delicate operation. Zim: The Earth leader is on his way here? GIR, this is getting bad, very bad! Still, we may be able to use this. Dib wades through a crowd of people. Dib: Excuse me. Pardon me, let me... Excuse me, saving the human race here! Dib bumps into a large woman wearing a girly rangers outfit. Woman: Hey, watch where you're going! She faces Dib, and three girly rangers appear from behind her. Dib: Sorry, I have to get by. It's a... planetary salvation thing. Woman: You've got to buy some cookies first to support Moofy. She growls angrily. A girly ranger sitting on top of her head pulls out a box of cookies with Moofy's image printed on the front. Dib: I don't have time for this. The world doesn't have time for this! Dib tries to run past them, but the Woman blocks his route by smashing her massive arm in the road in front of him. Woman: Don't you want to support Moofy? Dib: Fine, whatever. Dib reaches into his pocket and places something in the Woman's hand. He grabs a box from the girl and runs past. Woman: Hey, this isn't money! This is ham! You can't pay for cookies with ham! Dib: Why was there ham in my pocket? The three girls make a formation and pull out cookies, shaped like actual ninja stars, while tossing them at Dib. He dodges them as the woman charge toward Dib through the crowd. A man in a "rescue" outfit holds out a doll in front of Moofy from a distance. He wears a thick layer of protective gear with flashing lights on it. Another one cautiously approaches her from behind. Man: Hey, doody doody doo. Moofy: Get away! She screams loudly, making the man retreat. Another one with a rope attached to him held by someone behind the fence slowly appoaches her. Man (baby-talking): I'm only trying to help you! She screams again, and the man is pulled away by a rope behind Zim's fence. Another one, with a cors attached, reaches down to her from a helicopter. Man: Goodness gracious, let me get you out of there. She screams again, making the helicopter pull away before raising the man again, knocking him into a house next to Zim's base. The garden gnome behind Moofy leans forward and rests on her back. She screams loudly again. We zoom out of the yard, of the neigborhood of the Earth, and finally of the universe as her screams continue to be heard. We arrive where the Massive and its ships fly through space. A few of them explode from the sound of her screaming, and we cut to the Tallest in the ship, where the echo of the scream finally stops, making them look up. Cut to Zim's house again, screens with president man's face on it hover above the crowd. Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from president land, I give you president man! President Man steps on the podium and wiggles his arms. Reporter: Mr. President, what are you going to do to help this help-less child? President: I pledge that this fine girly ranger will be rescued with both legs intact. The crowd cheers. Dib continues running through the crowd and stops when he find Zim on TV, wearing a large, strange, costume-looking disguise. A tag with the word "HUMAN" is printed on it. Zim: I think I may have discovered a way to end Moofy's pain; to end all of your pain. Dib: Zim! Zim: Mr. President, since the unfortunate filthy ranger won't let anyone close enough to rescue her, the only way to get her out will be to use sonic vibrations. Reporter: Sonic vibrations? Zim: Silence! And, yes. A diagram of Moofy, the Earth, and a large machine appears on screen. Zim: Using a giant nuclear-powered shaking machine, we can shake the entire Earth, jarring the poor girl loose. The image shows the machine in Zim's diagram pounding the Earth, releasing Moofy, and, quickly before cutting away, shattering the planet. Cut back to president man in front of Zim on TV. President: We don't have that technology. Zim: You can borrow mine! Dib: A machine like that would destroy the surface of the planet! All life as we know- President: It just might work. People love shaking! Whoo! Zim enters the house. GIR watches the news on TV. Zim: GIR, let's get out of here! Soon, the Earth will shake until all of the humans are nothing but soup. Soup! Outside, we pan to a tent surrounded by secret service men, labeled, "Command Center", next to two stands reading "Moofy Moon-walk" and "Moofy Merchandise". President: You, get me the nuclear people on the phone! I want those vibrations. Man: Yes, sir. Dib enters the tent. Dib: Wait! I have a better plan. President: Who's that crazy boy? Dib: Just tunnel under her. She'll never know you're coming so she can't fight it, and her leg will be fine. And, if you just happen to find an alien base down there, you can destroy it. President: What's he talking about? Where's the charts? Where's the pretty pictures? This plan is stupid. Man: I have the, uh, nuclear people on the line. Dib: If you shake the Earth, we'll all be destroyed! That's what Zim wants. President: That's a chance we're all going to have to take. Get him out of— President Man notices something. President: Wait a minute. Are those... C-Chocolate Ninja Star Cookies? Dib searches himself and finds the cookies embedded in the back of his head. Dib: Yes! Yes, they are. President: Oh, I love Ninja Star cookies. Dib: I'll make you a trade. Cut to Zim's base. Zim and GIR are packing boxes on Zim's ship. Zim: At last, GIR, we're finally through with this horrible planet. Zim notices the TV. President: Thanks to this delicious boy, we have a new plan for freeing young Moofy. We are going to use this digging machine. Zim: The Dib. The Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he's evil! Now they'll find the base. There's only one thing I can do. GIR: You're gonna make biscuits? You're gonna make biscuits? You're gonna make biscuits? You're gonna make biscuits? Zim: No, GIR. Never. I never want you to mention biscuits ever again. Outside of Zim's house, the machine is starting. Zim comes outside in the "HUMAN" disguise from earlier. Woman: Hey, what's that floppy guy doing? Man: He's going to rip her leg off! Zim: Get off my lawn, cookie beast. Moofy: No! I'm going to be on TV forever! Zim approaches her. She turns around and knocks him backward, barking like a dog. Zim jumps behind Moofy and releases her leg. The crowd is stunned. Eveyone stands with their mouths agape. The machine stops. Everyone begins cheering and Zim goes back inside. The rescue workers from before approach Moofy and she puts her leg back in the hole. They pick her up and hold Moofy in front of the cameras. She smiles and waves. Reporter: And so, the saga of Moofy comes to a happy end, thanks the the efforts of this mysterious hero. A painting of what looks like a normal human wearing Zim's disguise appears on screen next to the news reporter. Reporter: No one knows who he was or where he came from, but we all know that he's here, in our hearts. Dib appears on camera next to where Moofy was. Dib: It's not a mystery. It's Zim! He's an alien, he lives right here! He tried to destroy us all! Moofy is taken away in an ambulance and everyone leaves. Suddenly, Dib realizes his foot is stuck in the same hole from before. He struggles to get his leg free. Dib: Hey, I really am stuck! Wait, come back! Help! The news van leaves as Dib is crying for help. Zim comes outside, whistling "If You're Happy and You Know It" and holding a gopher. He drops the gopher, waves at Dib, and laughs maniacally before returning inside. The gopher comes over to Dib. Dib starts screaming in pain as the gopher does something we can't see from our view of him from the neck up. The sign saying "Earth Rocks" quickly flickers to static. It passes to night time. Dib shakes in fear as the robot gopher dances in front of him and Zim's gnomes make circles around the two. 'Dib '(Horrifed): Help...